Finding Your Tribe as a New Parent

Understanding the Social Shift of Parenthood

Becoming a parent is a life-altering experience. People tell you about the sleepless nights, the endless feeding sessions, and the emotional rollercoaster—but something less discussed is how it can change your social life and friendships. The idea of "finding your tribe" as a new parent—those other mums and dads who will understand your journey—sounds so simple, but for many of us, it's not as easy as it seems.

The Reality of Baby Groups

When I first had my baby, I knew that baby groups were supposed to be a great way to meet other parents, so I threw myself into it. But it wasn’t long before I realised it wasn’t the magical, instant connection I had envisioned. I’d heard about mums finding lifelong friends in these groups, but that wasn’t my experience at first. Instead, I felt like an outsider, fumbling my way through a world of pristine baby outfits and mums who seemed to have it all together.

Let me set the scene: getting out of the house was a monumental achievement. Most days, I was lucky if I made it to a baby group on time, let alone in vaguely clean clothes. I remember sitting in a circle at one of these groups, my hair hastily tied up, trying not to panic that I might have forgotten to pack wipes. It felt like everyone else was nailing this parenting thing while I was barely scraping by. They all seemed to know each other already, their babies cooed peacefully on their laps, and there I was, a nervous wreck.

But what really knocked me was when speaking to a mum, and very quickly in the conversation, she told me how she had enough mum friends and didn’t need any more. I was speechless, and it made me question if I would ever find my group, my people, that everyone was telling me I needed to find.

Navigating Early Connections

In those early days, I really struggled to connect at the baby groups. It was disheartening. I had thought motherhood would come with a built-in tribe, but the reality was far different for me. Not everyone wants new friends, not everyone clicks, and that’s okay. But at the time, it felt like I was the only one floundering.

Embracing Authentic Connections

The turning point for me came when I stopped forcing myself to fit into the "perfect mum" mould and instead just enjoyed having time with my baby. I realised that friendships, especially in this new chapter of life, don't always happen the way we expect them to.

Sometimes, you make friendships with people you’ve smiled and waved at but never struck up a conversation with. Whilst pregnant, my husband was outside painting our future daughter’s cot, and he struck up a conversation with our neighbour, who had recently had a baby. Our friendship developed from her dropping off a seatbelt for me for the car to having playdates over a cocktail, and fast forward 4 years, she is one of the closest friends I now have. Just last night, we spent time planning a princess party evening for our two little girls.

I also discovered that some of my closest friends weren’t new ones but existing ones whose friendships adapted with me as I became a parent. Our coffee dates turned into playdates, our conversations started to revolve around naps and teething, and we found a new rhythm together. Some of these friends weren’t parents yet, but they showed up for me in a way I didn’t expect—sitting on the floor of my living room, playing peek-a-boo with my baby while I managed to drink a hot cup of tea for once.

Finding Your Support System

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about finding your tribe as a new parent, it’s that it doesn’t always happen when or where you expect it. Sometimes, the friends you need are already in your life, and your relationship with them will evolve as you navigate parenthood together. Other times, you’ll find new friends in the most unexpected places, like the person who runs the baby group.

It’s also okay if it takes time. Not every baby group will be the right fit, and not every mum you meet will become a lifelong friend. But there are parents out there who get it, who will understand you, and when you find them, it will feel like a relief. Don’t feel discouraged if it doesn’t happen immediately. Parenting can be isolating at times, and it’s normal to feel like an outsider now and then.

So, to all the parents who are trying to find their tribe, know that you're not alone. It's okay if it doesn’t happen overnight, and it's okay if the baby group isn’t your thing. You’re not failing if you haven’t instantly clicked with a new group of mum friends. You’ll find your people, whether it’s through an unexpected friendship with a neighbour or with a friend you’ve known for years who gets what you’re going through.

Be Kind to Yourself

In the meantime, be kind to yourself. Just showing up—whether it's at a baby group, the park, or even in your own living room—is a victory. You’re doing an incredible job, mess and all, and your tribe will find you when the time is right.